The reasons for my move east were plentiful, a mix of running from issues and running towards others. The particulars are not needed really - the fact remains that I came. Once again, I packed my bags and set out to write a new chapter. I was turning 50, there were events swirling in the universe and I found a lifeline to grab onto and I pulled - I pulled hard.
Here I was - in the Big Apple - there was nothing I couldn't face. But, I wasn't truly ready for this city that never sleeps - or maybe it was never ready for me. Where I could go out by myself in San Franciso, LA, or Palm Springs and have an incredible night talking to strangers, making friends and flirting as only I know how to do - here, in this city of millions - for the first time - I felt truly alone. Were the people here simply immune to my particular skills, was I too old to try and break into new cliques, or was everyone around me just not interested?
Over the course of the years, I found places that knew my name. Places that welcomed me into the surroundings and where I felt a sense of community. I traveled northeast to see my parents - taking my mom on weekend trips, visiting my cousins and spending time with the best of old friends. But as the years went on, the realization that you can't run from your issues slowly creeped into my life. And then, one New Year's Eve, it all just changed.
I'd gone to Palm Springs for 2017/18 and I convinced two of my oldest friends to join me. And in the mix were friends I'd made from my two-stepping days - ones I somehow took for granted, knowing they'd always be there but never knowing how much I'd miss them. Little did I know how those few days would change it all. If it makes any sense to anyone, but those few days were the exact feeling I got when I stepped foot in San Francisco for 1989/90. I knew instantly that this was it - this was the place for me. This was where I could breathe, where I felt I was meant to be. And this past year I realized that home is not where you grew up or where your relatives are - home is where you make it. It is where you put all your blood, sweat and tears into living, surviving, crying, laughing and being surrounded by the family that you create.
From that one weekend, I was determined to get back to Southern California. I had a goal - by the end of spring - and every night I would reaffirm that it would happen. I networked, I interviewed, I was a pain in the ass to a lot of people, but I never gave up on my goal. I never once thought that I would fail. And one day, the universe gave me my reward in a way I did not expect. Yet, if there's anything I've learned is that when something is in front of you - grab it, hold onto it tight and let it take you where you want to go.
People always ask me which city I like best. Wasn't I over San Francisco? Didn't I hate Los Angeles? The answer is simply that all of California is my home. Though I was born in Medford, Massachusetts, San Francisco is where I truly grew up - where I made the friends I still have today. Los Angeles is where I found who I could become and it gave me the chance to be close to Palm Springs - a place that is paradise on earth, where I have more friends than I could ever imagine and where I feel so welcome and loved. No, I'm not over any of them - I don't despise any city, it is the culmination of all of them that defines me. California is a place I felt compelled to move to when I was 24 and a place that cannot be ignored in my soul. For time away from it, has taught me that "living in a brand new world" made me "look inside my heart to find a world full of love." This place could be like yours, it could be mine, but overall it is not like home, it is home.
That glorious New Year's Eve Weekend
