Battling The Alpha Male

Just because you leave high school doesn’t mean those years ever leave you. In fact, I would argue that even the scars of elementary education are carved deep in your psyche. Case in point, I have been working out religiously for over a year and I am a far cry from the fat and underappreciated young man who was religiously targeted during bombardment and tormented during flag football. Yet, even at the ripe old age of 47, it still takes effort and perseverance to get through some days. 

As long as I can remember, I have been battling the alpha male. And comparing my performance to someone better and stronger is second nature to me. It goes back to when I was last to finish the 500 yard dash and sprawled on the mat, out of breath during the horrible four weeks of gymnastics. (Really, Medford High School? The pummel horse? The rings?)  

And even outside of the gym – I’m constantly comparing to see how I measure up – how did that person get that lover? Why don’t I own a fabulous home and travel the world like him? Why don’t I have that job? The temptation to saddle up beside these people and feel inferior is so easy to do and childhood is waiting there, whispering in my ear, ready to pull me back in time if I let it. And that is the key that I continually forget – if I let it - if I listen to the taunts and teases of the past. Like the scars of childhood, the alpha male will never go away - but I can continue to work every day to compare only me to me. It’s a work in progress that I continually make an effort towards every day.  Like running that 500 yard dash or what has now, on cold 5:30 am mornings, morphed into a 2 mile run –I’m determined to not come in last ever again.