Tis the Season To Fall Into A New Me

This month is perhaps one of the busiest that I’ve ever had on my calendar in my life. Starting with another festive gay days at Disneyland that just came to a close this weekend, to a business trip to New York City and ending with an Atlantis Halloween Cruise to Mexico, the only thing that saddens me is that I have no time to get to my desert paradise. 

Once again, Disneyland accomplished what I always expect it to – take me away from the world and transport me to a place where there’s no room for any of the real world’s outside negative energy - unless you count some of the gay boy’s attitudes, but even that was not the norm over the course of the three days.  My friend Steve joined me for the second time this year and it was non-stop from our arrival on Friday to this morning. This time, the only thing that made me nervous was the debut of “the speedo.” No, not the name of some strange new attraction in California Adventure, but the small bathing suit that I wore to the big Sunday afternoon pool party, Plunge! Keep in mind, that never in all my years have I worn such a suit – I’ve been relegated to board shorts or long trunks and only because of my visits with the devil in his playground this year have I gotten the confidence to first, purchase not one but three of these pieces of water attire, but second to wear one  in front of gay boys whose main job is to dance on a box at parties.

What no one sees in my in-your-face flirtation is the still fat- boy inside who couldn’t even make it to the end of the fence for the 500 yard dash in middle school. And once I shove him underwater, despite his struggles to get back to the surface, I keep him submerged as best I can, and this past weekend, I think I did a pretty good job. He broke for air a few times during the Gay Disney pool party but during the beach ball fight that was raging on the surface, he got hit on the head and returned to the bottom where he belonged.

It’s been a long road to this point – since January, I have woken up at the crack of dawn and weathered freezing temperatures in the winter to sweat myself to a more healthy self. And for the first time this weekend, I thought of my former roommate and wondered what he would have thought of this time in my journey. We would have had a good laugh, I’m sure.

Bookmarking the end of October is perhaps the biggest test to that fat little boy imaginable. 3000 gay men on a Halloween cruise to Mexico. Although it was not the reason I began these early morning cross fit hellish classes, it certainly was one of the inspirations that kept me going. What I love about them is that they’ve given me confidence that I’ve been lacking for years and to anyone who wants to feel better and get healthy; this is the way to do it. There are no pills to take, no silly ab machines to give you a slimmer waist while you do the dishes, its hard work, determination and keeping a personal goal in sight that will produce the results.

I still have a ways to go to quiet the fat, unpopular boy all the time, but this October is putting me on the right path. It might be hard to get around that fence, but I’m doing it just the same.