Adieu 2012

As the end of the year approaches, I feel the obligatory need to review the year that was and look forward to the one that is quickly marching towards us. And, as I sit and think about all of that, I can’t help but realize that no one knows what a new year will bring or what events might come to make us smile or laugh and cry. When this year started, I had reached the bottom depths of my outlook on myself. I was overweight, in debt, feeling isolated and alone. And then at the end of January, I had had enough and now, I can say with certainty, that whatever life throws at you in 365 days, you can meet it head on and survive.

There were some great times this year – including the celebration of my parents’ Golden Anniversary and my cousin Donna’s marriage to the man of her dreams. I got to see my mother three times in 2012 and although the last time was touched with sadness over the loss of our Great Aunt Lil, it was still wonderful to squeeze another hug out of my mom. Yet, even in that sadness, all of us found some joy. Joy that a woman who was with us for so long got to see and experience so much with us. She brought my parents together and she was there, fifty years later, to witness the renewal of the love she had a decisive hand in joining.  This year will always be remembered as the year I bid good-bye to a woman who I thought would live forever and yet, I’m not mistaken, for she does live on. She is all around me - in her portrait that now hangs in my apartment, in her baking utensils and cookie recipes that I feel so privileged to have as my own and in how I think of her a million times a day in small and great ways.  Without a doubt, there’s a part of my life that I’ve learned to live because of Lillian.

Mid-way through the year, I got to travel to my favorite city in the world to visit my best friend in the world. Paris will always have my heart and to experience it with Josh was beyond fabulous. Spending time with him sandwiched between nights of wine and mornings of croissants was one of the highlights of my year. And when I saw him sitting in the church as my aunt took her final journey, I felt truly blessed to call him my friend.  

And, of course, with the sudden, jolting passing of my roommate, I learned that you should never take yourself for granted. Remember that you are the special one and no one you surround yourself with can bestow the self-esteem and love that you desire. The actions and responses that I experienced made me eternally grateful for my family. And over the course of those weeks and months, I felt truly blessed at how much I value and love them. Perhaps it’s getting older and being a far cry from the 24 year-old boy I was when I first moved to California. Or maybe it’s that this year really put all of that in perspective. 

From the election to the senseless killing of innocent children, the world events of 2012 have been unlike any other year. But you find the joy in what lives around you. It’s in a note from a boy you’ve watched grow into such a wonderful young man telling you that you are “the best gay dad ever.” It’s in the embrace of the high school friend who’s there with you as you mourn and celebrate life’s celebrations. It’s in the hugs of your mother and it’s in the joy of sitting back and looking at the family you are so proud to call your own. 

Adieu, 2012 – Bon Jour 2013. I’m ready for whatever you have in store.